I have just spent an entire year listening. Listening on the inside that is. It’s been a strange and wonderful year of allowing my life to be as it is, which I have discovered, is a life deeply ensconced in the process of a major spiritual, emotional, mental, and physical overhaul, one that is honoring the soul and showing me how to live an ever deeper authentic life.
Writer’s Block, Menopause, My Kid Is Now An Adult
The first thing that happened a year ago is that I stopped writing. Yup. Just plain stopped. I felt like I had not a single thing left to say….ever. And so I just allowed that to be. I didn’t fight it. I just let it go. Also last June, my only child graduated from high school and two months later, entered her first year of University. Another thing that happened was menopause kicked into overdrive with all its expansive, heating energies and suddenly, the woman who I’d always identified with in the mirror began to rapidly become a stranger to me, what with the fuller waistline, new laugh lines, and graying hair.
Need For Freedom and Deep, Deep Rest
During this time my emotional inner world was like a tsunami. I had stopped writing, I was feeling worn out as my role of parent was coming to an end and also frustrated that my daughter was going to remain living at home while attending University nearby. I should have been happy about this, but I was screaming inside for freedom from responsibilities, because nothing could have prepared me for what it was going to take to parent a sensitive, intuitive, highly creative empath in this 3D world on my own. I had been in ‘Mom mode’ for eighteen years and now I wanted some rest from that job….some deep, deep rest.
The Gift of India, Friendship, and Letting Go
That must have been a very loud, laser-like intention because the next thing I knew I was being invited to India for a month by a dear friend who lives there. All I had to do was say yes, show up, and be gifted with a vacation where I did not have to think, make a decision, plan anything, cook anything, drive anywhere, or be responsible for anything but savoring the moments. I am still at a loss for words at this loving generosity and forever grateful for such an act of unconditional kindness.
I had not had a vacation in over fifteen years. So in January of this year, I spent a month immersed in a culture that screams of going within to discover the true nature of the soul and I returned a month later deeply rested, my soul restored, and ready to make some changes in my life.
Live Authentically Regardless of Circumstance
Though by all appearances it looked like I had jumped back into my life of work, details, care-giving, schedules, etc., on the inside I could still feel the massive excavation continuing, and what was coming up loud and clear was the need to live authentically, creatively, and to share my gifts no matter what other responsibilities I had. It was time to acknowledge my own needs and give voice and expression to my gifts as a creative empath, woman, and writer.
Denying Our Gifts Equals Slow Suicide
One of the greatest realizations I’ve had since my return from India is that in denying our gifts in the name of survival (or even parenthood), we are committing slow suicide, only worse because the suffering and pain don’t come to an end, and there is a great deal of pain and suffering in suppressing our authentic nature. I can think of no greater waste of a life, no greater pain to the soul, and I was experiencing both for a long time. Another realization I had was that when we deny our gifts we are denying life itself. This sets us up for a lifetime of impoverishment because, in the end, it’s up to us to give ourselves the love and care that we need, to own our authentic nature and express ourselves with love and joy, which brings love and joy to others.
This, I believe, is the key to an abundant, fulfilling life.
Denying our gifts in the name of survival is like committing slow suicide only worse because the suffering and pain don’t come to an end.
Nothing Can Come Before Our Own Self-Care
When we learn to love ourselves beyond all the voices in our heads, all the lies, and social conditioning, what our past had us believe, what our present circumstances may be telling us is true, all the self-doubts and self-denial and unforgiveness, then we can say we are living our true, authentic nature. I have learned that nothing can come before our own self-care. Nothing.
This is true love.
Only from this state can we begin to create fearlessly and joyously because it’s not rooted in ‘what can I get to survive?’ but rather, in “what can I share of my authenticity…my gifts…my creativity…my heart?’ ‘What is within me that wants outward expression?’
From here, the most natural movement of energy is to flow into serving up our unique self-expressions and gifts to others, for always there will be others who need or are searching for, precisely what we have to give.
Love. Create. Serve.
Love. Create. Serve. This is the order. This is what I’ve discovered during this past year. Love yourself fearlessly. Honor your soul. Live your calling. Be YOU. When you do, you are supported, a way appears, providence intervenes and grace moves in.
Trust your heart. Trust your love.
Is Your Life in Transition?
I would love to hear from you. In the comments below, let me know:
- Are you going through a life transition at the moment? If so, what, if anything, has helped you from this post?
- If self-care has to come before anything else, what’s one way you could be more loving with yourself right now? What does your soul need?
Remember, share as much detail as possible in your reply. The more you share, the more your words and your comments may help someone else. And, if you have friends, clients or colleagues who might be in the throes of a life transition themselves, share this post with them.
Warmest love and joy,